|
| "it's this uncontrollable urgency of maybe maybe maybe that has taken over and makes me lay my head down on the dinner table and makes everyone wonder why i look so sad.
it's only that they don't see the smiles i'm hiding behind glasses of "sharp" water and dishwasher detergent.
i'm at once the most excited i've been in two years and as frightened and confused as i always am.
does he does he does he and do i and if i do then and if he does and if we do then what's to become of this perfect golden jewish wedding i've always imagined? and then i fall back down and reprimand my own stupidity and pull the chains back on reality.
at least for now, he might not and we might not and i'm only 21 (for 2 more months and 13 more days) and this won't be the last -- a thought that's disheartening in its own rite.
rite. right. rite. right.
i walk around with clammy hands hidden in my pockets and chronic lumps in my throat and bloodshot eyes dreaming of weekends and comfort and smiles and butterflies that never quite go away and "haha" versus "heh" and a humblingly unstable stability.
my poetry is not grounded in reality but in 1:30 pm dreams awoken by doorbells and groceries and my own shortcomings.
if not this time, then i hope soon."
- "slomo" 10pm on Sunday, April 15, 2007
| | |
| "He clipped her claws
with his teeth & she
writhed in pity for
freedom lost & she
laughed uncontrollably
for love gained.
Together,
she missed her breasts & her
eyelashes & her
hands.
He captured every
breath of hers &
took it for his own;
sealed it in an
empty beer can
with tightly taped
saran wrap.
Her beauty no longer
made her father cry
when he didn't see
it anymore, because
the first "he" had
bought it with two
pearls in two ears
that she no longed
owned.
Even on the day when she
thought she'd taken
everything back, the
breaths he took were
still stifled in stale
beer cans strewn
around a now empty
apartment."
- Antagonistic Symbiosis [May 19, 2004 at 12:07am] | | |
| you whisper sweet nothings,
but they sweetly mean nothing
to my cynical, no such thing
as love at first site--self.
you caress my funny bone
to sputtering levels
and just when i think i'm about to
blow
you take it all back and
i remember why we are
who we are
at all.
it will never be enough for me
that you are you and
nothing more than;
tall. fixed. sweet brown eyes.
piercing wrinkles. cascading
cynicism over maroon sweaters
and khaki pants.
and i'm grounded once more
in this unstable earth. ready with
fists up, knees bent, and
one tear rolled up so you can't
see what you do to me.
because you do it to me
every day.
- hey baby [monday, may 17 at 3:11pm]
| | |
| i can't sit still
it's unnerving every
inch of every pore.
it's not frustration
in a sexual sense.
it's the realization
that i can handle something
real.
but there's nothing real
around.
-restlessness [may 13, 2004 at 11:26pm] | | |
| unable to function under
the dim lights of restlessness
thinking of the "kick in the neck"
and the bite on the ear
summer settles away
the present takes over
sweeping mines through a solitaire world of a spider in a
free cell.
it's the beginning of something
so what am i so antsy about?
- tapped [sunday, may 9, 2004 at 10:40pm] | | |
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